Breakups & Endings

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THEY DESERVE TRUE LOVE…. EVEN IF IT MEANS LEAVING US

Published by Elephant Journal ~February 9 2017

Nicholas Sparks once wrote, “You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts people you love.”

This is a difficult article for me to write. But as a writer, I challenge myself to write about the hard stuff. The stuff that festers beneath the veneer of positivity and warrior affirmations and tough, Jersey Girl bravado I keep wrapped around me like a suit of armor.

Really, I’m just a girl like every other—human, flawed and finding my way.

And today, I find myself in an entirely difference place than where I was three years ago maybe when my husband left.

I could paint a picture to make myself look like the victim: the sweet, innocent, loving wife who was devastated when the man she considered to be her whole world chose to start a different life—one that didn’t include being married to her anymore.

But there’s another picture, one I see clearly now. It emerged out of a thousand tears and a hundred sleepless nights praying for answers and asking for peace. The paint slowly made its soft brushstrokes by itself while I relentlessly sought to heal from the pain and loss I felt and rebuild my life.

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WHY WE WALK AWAY FROM LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Published by Elephant Journal ~ July 6, 2016

I am often asked by people—who were in the beginning phases of a relationship or already deeply committed to another person—why the other person walked away and gave up on the relationship.

There are no easy answers, nor are they ever the same. We all choose to walk away from things for a variety of reasons, which are personal to us. But I am a big believer in soul connections and that nothing is a coincidence in life, so I believe that each of those relationships was meant to be something for both parties involved.

One of my spiritual mentors calls the walking away from a relationship a “forfeiture.” It’s when the universe, God, or whatever you believe in brings two people together with the intention and hope that they will take the opportunity to create something together—and then one person withdraws prematurely.

It was not an accident or blind chance that we’ve met. That person was brought to us because we were asking for what they had to offer in some way, whether it was through prayers, through the energy we were sending out or even through our thoughts, which we may have never verbalized to anyone.

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THANK YOU FOR LEAVING ME

Published by Elephant Journal ~ December 15, 2015

I never thought the words leaving my mouth would one day turn from, “How could you leave me?” to “Thank you for leaving…”

It’s been a long road with still further to tread to see that it was the kindest thing you’ve ever done for me.

I was forced to do some serious growing up. Some deep soul searching into who I really was and who I may have been pretending to be.

I was left to deal with the remnants of my shattered self-esteem which I mistakenly thought rested on my status of “wife” and “mother”—of being somebody’s “other half”.

I had to face my biggest fears of navigating the world alone. Totally and completely alone. Without somebody to validate that the decisions I was making were okay.

I had to learn to trust my inner voice—the one that told me you were drifting towards unchartered seas to sail with someone else—instead of burying my head in the sand so I didn’t have to watch you go.

I had to learn how to depend on nobody but me and me alone. To pay for the roof over my head and the clothes on my back—no longer having the security blanket of a second income if things went wrong or times got tough.

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