Forgiveness & Letting Go



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5 HEALTHY WAYS TO RELEASE ANGER INSTEAD OF LOSING YOUR SHIT

Published on Elephant Journal ~ July 7, 2016

“Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of fear, hurt and frustration.” ~ Dr. Phil

As I write this article, I can admit I’m angry.

I’m angry at the way some of the events in my life have played out recently. I’m angry at the person who judged the way I’ve chosen to handle my pain. I’m angry that the more vulnerable and open I’m willing to be in relationships, the less I seem to be getting, and I’m angry at myself for the tears I shed and the hurt I feel over a guy who bruised my ego and my heart.

But I have been taught that anger isn’t really lady-like and doesn’t make you likable, so I work hard to suppress the anger. Pretend it’s not there. And as anyone knows who has ever boiled water in a teapot, you can keep a lid on it all you’d like, but eventually that pot is going to boil hot and mercilessly, and it will have no alternative but to start screeching like a banshee.

Because anger needs a place to go.

And normally, it goes off in a display of explosive fireworks that creates a whole lot of noise, hurt feelings and irreparable damage.

At least that’s been my experience.

These are some of the tried and true ways that have worked for me and many of my clients who struggle with anger, forgiveness and letting things go:

CLICK HERE FOR FULL ARTICLE


 

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THE APOLOGY THAT NEVER COMES: HOW TO FIND CLOSURE AND MOVE ON

Published on Elephant Journal ~ February 24, 2016

Love becomes a lot easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got. ~ Robert Brault

Saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” is not easy for people.

We all believe that we’re right about whatever the particular situation is and the other person was wrong in whatever injustice we believe they committed.

So both parties often walk away, not uttering anything that resembles regret over what’s happened and holding fast to their own belief that they have no reason to apologize.

For most of us, it is not until some time passes that we can own and accept our part in a fight, disagreement or breakup that caused a lot of pain. And by that time, the moment for apologizing seems to have passed its due date, so we never reach out to actually issue the apology to the person who rightfully deserves it.

There are many reasons we don’t reach out and apologize to the people we’ve hurt. I recently talked to a bunch of my friends and colleagues and asked them what has held them back from apologizing to someone they knew deserved one from them. These are the things that unanimously held them back:

1) Time. Too much time has passed and we feel embarrassed to reach out to the person now. “What’s done is done,” we say, “And I don’t want to dredge all that back up.” The thing is, isn’t really any time expiration on apologies. They are good at any time. But oftentimes this is why we don’t reach out to someone from our past to give one that we know is well deserved.

CLICK HERE FOR FULL ARTICLE


 

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5 REASONS WE ALL DESERVE FORGIVENESS

Published by Tiny Buddah ~ November 24, 2015

“To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds.” ~Wayne Dyer

When we have been deeply hurt or betrayed by a friend, loved one, or even an acquaintance, it can be incredibly difficult to let it go and forgive them. Some acts seem almost unforgivable. But really not much is.

My belief is that people who hurt us are more often than not in a lot of pain themselves, and they’re making choices and decisions based on their own wounds.

I’ve spent the past two years working hard to forgive someone I loved deeply who hurt me. It hasn’t been easy and it’s taken a huge amount of time looking within, acknowledging my own mistakes in life, and seeing all the reasons it’s imperative I forgive others for their wrongs. They deserve it as much as I do.

It’s one of the most powerful and loving things we can do, and it ultimately brings us peace of mind and the loving energy we deserve in our lives.

So, why should you let go of your resentment and rage and forgive someone who has hurt you? A few reasons that have been motivators for me:

CLICK HERE FOR FULL ARTICLE


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FORGIVING OURSELVES: HOW TO LET THINGS GO

Published on Elephant Journal ~ December 14, 2015

Forgiveness is not something I am good at.

I would say it’s one of the things I’ve been put on this Earth to master.

So the Universe has given me lots of experiences to practice this simple act.

At first that forgiveness needed to extended to other people—there were many people I felt wronged me and oh, was I a judgmental, stubborn bitch.

I would hold tightly to things. Cling to past hurts, minor slights, insensitive comments like a newborn child would to their favorite blanket.

Until the Universe started putting me in situations to challenge my righteousness. Suddenly I found myself in the wrong-doer seat. Lying to avoid hurting people’s feelings or get out of commitments I made, making a snide remark to someone, judging somebody else for something I had no real knowledge about, gossiping about somebody behind their back. And I considered myself to be a good person.

As life went on, I felt these pains—and I realized how important it was to forgive and let it go. This world is hard enough to navigate without people giving us 2nd chances to do things right.

Throughout my life, I have been one of those people everyone tells their secrets to. They pour their hearts out when first meeting me, believing I can help them or tell them which direction to go. Their secrets never shock me. I noticed I rarely judged.

Instead I feel a huge amount of compassion for the pain they are in and want nothing more than to ease their suffering with some kind words and encouraging advice.

What I found myself saying most often was, “Well, you can’t change what happened so forgive yourself and move on.” We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it. And make different choices. Ones that don’t bring us so much pain the next time. Ones that don’t bring so much pain to others.

But until we forgive ourselves, we won’t make different choices.

CLICK HERE TO READ FULL ARTICLE

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