INFIDELITY

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IS SEXUAL MONOGAMY REALISTIC ANYMORE?

Published by Elephant Journal~ January 21, 2017

You are obliged to tell the people you’re sleeping with whether or not you’re sleeping with them exclusively. There are no exceptions to this rule. Ever. For anyone. Under any circumstances.  

People have the right to know if the people they are f*cking are also f*cking other people. This is the only way the people fucking people who are fucking other people can make emotionally healthy decisions about their lives.” 

~ Cheryl Strayed~

Amen, sister.

Those were the first words that came to my mind when I read Cheryl Strayed’s book, Brave Enough.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

We are all obligated to be honest with the people we are sleeping with about whether we’re sleeping with other people, especially if we have an ongoing sexual relationship with them.

What continues to fascinate me is how rare it is nowadays to find a single person out there willing to be monogamous, even in the beginning stages of a relationship.

Isn’t that kind of the exciting part? We’re literally in the “honeymoon” phase of things—even if we haven’t quite defined what this “thing” is.

It’s new. It’s still hot. It’s full of sensuality, wonder and exploration. We’re just beginning to explore each other’s body and mind, learning what turns the other on, trying new things, and developing some degree of trust and intimacy.

Whether we’re just “hooking up” or considering the possibility that this could turn into something more, is it really asking too much for us to hold off on sleeping with anyone else for a little while while we figure this out?

What do we really feel we’re missing out on?

Another conquest?

The experience of rolling around naked with somebody else we barely know because the odds of it being more fulfilling than the person we’re already sleeping with are so much greater?

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 IS IT POSSIBLE TO REBUILD TRUST AFTER SOMEONE CHEATS?

Published by The Good Men Project ~ September 14, 2016

I coach a lot of clients who have had affairs, both men and and women. I truly believe that there are no coincidences in life and the Universe brought these people to me to heal my own pain from an affair that ended my own marriage.
Oddly enough, none of the clients I’ve worked with were wanting help with rebuilding the trust in their relationships. Because the simple fact was, the trust was gone. And neither party felt that they could ever get it back.

Instead what they wanted was a way to forgive themselves for what they had done. They wanted someone to listen and show them compassion for the reasons they had strayed, the reasons they used to justify being unfaithful, and the feelings they now had about themselves.

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 THE 10 STAGES OF GRIEVING & OVERCOMING INFIDELITY

Published by Elephant Journal ~ December 3, 2015

There are very few people who have not been touched by the pain and heartache of infidelity.

If you are one of the lucky few who have never been cheated on, you are truly blessed. It’s wonderful to live in a world of trust, faith and confidence that the person you are intimate with is—and only wants to be—with you.

But for those of us who have had the unfortunate and often life-changing experience of being cheated on—and then having to go through the process of grieving, understanding what happened and learning to trust again—it’s important to give ourselves time to go through all of the different stages, at our own pace, in whatever messy and ugly form it takes.

And it will be messy and ugly.

But you’ll get through it.

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5 TIPS FOR BOUNCING BACK FROM BETRAYAL

Published by Elephant Journal ~  October 5, 2015

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” ~ Unknown

We have all been betrayed at one time or another.

It could have been as minor as some juicy gossip that was repeated about you by a close friend.

Maybe it was the person you loved most in the world breaking your trust with a simple act.

Whatever the incident, betrayal is oftentimes the most difficult thing to get over and move on from because it hurts so much. By its very nature, it’s committed by someone we deeply trusted, and we continue to go over and over again in our minds how it could have happened to us.

The word betrayal sounds so harsh when I say it aloud, as if it is an intentional act that we consciously do to another person to hurt them.

But most of the time, this is hardly the case. There are a dozen reasons we betray another person and almost always it’s due to something internally we are wrestling with within ourselves.

Having been both on the giving and receiving end, I’ve spent many hours thinking about, talking about and processing the act of betrayal…more recently how to move through it, accept that it happened and move forward with grace, wisdom and the tools to help me when I fall backwards into the painful emotions around it.

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WHEN WE ARE IN LOVE WITH 2 PEOPLE: HOW DO WE CHOOSE?

Published by Elephant Journal ~ October 8, 2015

My friend Michael was 32 years old and happily married…

He had just had a baby a year earlier with his wife and although things were a little stressful and their dynamic was changing, they were great partners and best friends. He loved her with all of his heart.

This beautiful woman who we’ll call “Kate” started working in his department at work and from the moment he laid eyes on her, there was an instant connection between them. A sexual charge…and not long after, some harmless flirting.

He felt it was safe. He was married, she understood his situation and said she expected nothing from him.

Flash forward six months and the two of them found themselves in a wildly passionate affair they never saw coming. Michael had fallen deeply in love with her and found himself no longer in control of his own emotions. He felt trapped, unable to make a move in either direction.

He truly loved his wife.

But he also loved Kate.

And he didn’t want to let either of them go.

And here we are with a very common and real problem many people find themselves in today—being in love with two people. And powerless to choose.

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