I ran off the beach, rushed home with my hair in a messy ponytail and frantically tried to comb it into something presentable while applying some blush and lipgloss to prep for my Zoom call. I had a consult with a new client and I wanted to look pulled together and presentable.
I had been a little hesitant about scheduling him in the middle of the day on my day off… my one day to myself but work is work and business is business. Plus I have a tendency to work around what’s best for everyone else but my own schedule to be accommodating.
So if you’re a no show, or you make plans and don’t follow up, I very quickly lose interest and respect for you.
I get things come up. We live in a world where we over schedule ourselves, make commitments we know going in we may not be able to keep, say yes when we want to say no. I’ve done it myself.
But I’m my word. If I commit to something, I show up. If I’ve asked for someone’s time, I respect it. If I schedule an appt, I try to keep it unless a conflict arises I can’t sort out.
But the no show…. yea, I’ve got no patience for the no show.
Back to the client. He was a no show.
Technically I lost only 20 minutes of my day if you count the time I spent making myself presentable and being online 5 minutes before the call. But the loss of the 20 minutes isn’t my beef. It’s the feeling behind not showing up for me that rears it’s ugly head.
When someone doesn’t show up, it tells me they don’t value my time. It makes me feel they don’t respect me or think I’m important enough to at least communicate with. If I’m honest, it makes me view them as kind of a dick.
I make up my mind about a person when they no show based on the number of times it’s happened;
1st “no show” – I’m annoyed and feel put out but I’m willing to give you a 2nd chance because shit happens and everyone flakes sometimes, myself included.
2nd “no show” – You’ve shown me who you are and I check out of having any kind of relationship with you, personal or otherwise.
3rd “no show” – I’m pissed at myself because I mean, girl….. what was I thinking???
People show us who they are right up front.
Let me repeat that…. People show us who they are right up front. The first time you interact with them. You can trust in that.
I tell this to women I work with all the time when they’re out there dating. When he doesn’t communicate. When he doesn’t follow up after he makes plans with you. When he says, “I’m not great with commitment.” Listen to that! He just told you who he was.
This rule applies to everything in your life. A potential employer. A friend. Someone you’re considering doing business with. If they say one thing and do another, if they don’t follow up on what they say they’re going to do, if they don’t get back to you, they’ve communicated their level of interest.
And you know what, it’s OK. Think of it as gathering information. They’ve provided you with what you need to make decisions for yourself.
We can’t change people. We can accept them and the situation for what it is and make the choice that it’s Ok or it’s not. We choose.
When it comes to people I work with, especially clients, I’ve made some bad choices. I’ve chosen the money over my sanity. I’ve chosen to not set boundaries over my need to be liked and seen as and accommodating. I had to learn the hard way that sometimes saying “no” up front or “this isn’t going to work for me but good luck” is better than compromising myself.
As for the no show client, he claims he didn’t check his email all day so didn’t see the time. He wants to reschedule for another time that works for him. I’m sure he’s a great person and just overwhelmed in his life. But that means it’s not the best fit for me.
So I’m going to honor that. Honor the “no show” is a “no go” for me. I believe people now when they show me who they are. It’s been a lesson that’s served me well.
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