Women… When Did We Become So Mean? ~ Elephant Journal

April 24, 2017

Scene from my table at Starbucks… I watch this woman walk in clearly on her way to work. She’s wearing 6 inch heels, has a banging body and is super cute. Big boobs. I watch with amusement as all the men try to not make it obvious they’re checking her out.

Check her out, I think to myself. She’s earned it.

There are 2 other women sitting at the table next to me that look at her with disdain. How dare she walk into this joint looking all hot?

I know what’s about to come.

I overhear the one blonde say to the other one, “Nice outfit,” all catty, with a roll of the eyes.

To be fair, the outfit the woman is wearing is fitting and flashy but who the fuck cares, she looks great. The two of them keep staring at her. Sizing her up head to toe.

Mind you this poor woman has done nothing but walk into Starbucks to get her nonfat latte. Oh, and she’s pretty.

Sue her.

I decide to throw a little fuel onto this simmering fire. …’Cause I’m like that. I pick up my coffee and laptop, walk by their table and with the sweetest of smiles and say, “She looks great doesn’t she? Such motivation for me to go home and pull out some of MY cute outfits!”

They both stare at me and smile.

Listen, I’m not trying to shame them, I’m just trying to make a point here. Why do we find it so necessary to judge other women we don’t know?

Another common scene… and this happens all the time…

I watch people who are interested in some guy go onto their social media pages and check out pics that feature old girlfriends or girls who may just be friends but still they’re standing close to said guy so we need to tear that bitch down because she may be a threat to us… And then they show all their friends the pics of the ex girlfriend or the “just friends” girl and together start dishing….

“She’s not even that pretty…”

“You’re SO much hotter than her….”

“OMG she’s so FAT!”

“She looks like a total airhead. I’m sure he totally was never into her.”

Ladies, seriously, this crap has to stop. We’re all human beings for Christ’s sake. In most cases we don’t even know each other. We don’t know the heart and soul of these women. We don’t know what they’ve been through or what their story is or the insecurities and wounds they carry around.

All of us have been through things in our lives that make us feel insecure or less than or self-conscious. We’re hard enough on ourselves. Do we need to be so hard on each other?

Do we need to tear another woman down in order to feel better about ourselves? Can we accept that some other woman may be beautiful, smart, accomplished, sexy and have an awesome personality and that doesn’t make her any better than us…. it just makes her beautiful, smart, accomplished, sexy and full of awesome personality?

Can’t we both be amazing in our own right? Isn’t their room for both of us in the world? In the workplace? In the hearts of a friend or someone we may be interested in?


I’m going to tell a personal story… because we’ve all been affected by this kind of behavior.

There was a woman in my life who hated me. She told me she hated me. She hated me just for existing. She hated me because she loved someone I once loved. She hated me for a variety of her own personal reasons but mainly she was projecting a lot of her own stuff onto who she thought I was instead of who I actually am.

This is what many women do by the way… they fall in love with a man and in order to feel secure in the relationship, they have to make the woman who came before her a villain… a bitch. Hate on her because she could still be a threat.

It was not fair to me. I’m a human being. A woman who has a heart. I’m someone’s daughter. I’m someone’s friend. I’m a mother. I’m really just a girl. And for those people in my life who really know me, I’m an incredibly sweet, deeply caring and loving girl.

I never deserved to be hated just for existing.

Or for walking into Starbucks to get a nonfat latte wearing a cute outfit.

Or for posing for a picture with a male friend who then decided to post it on FB or Instagram.

Ladies, seriously… We can be kinder. We can be gentler. We can be more compassionate towards each other.

We can judge less and compliment more.

We can support and stand by one another instead of turning our backs on each other.

Myself included. It starts with me. I’m not innocent of this type of behavior. We’ve all done it. But by writing about it and being honest about it with the intention of making a change in the world by giving it a voice….. that’s how change happens.


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